Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Harely Ingleby Possibly the Next World Champ

Words and interview by: Steve Thomas
Photos: by Moonwalker

I was confused: I’d heard that Harley Ingleby was the Longboarding World Champion. Then I found out that Oxbow had coughed up some more dough and is now putting on a final leg of the Longboard World Championship tour in San Clemente Ca at a little beach called San Onofre. So it’s still yet to be decided.

Well, I hope Harley wins because he’s my kind of Longboarder. He can ride all types of boards, from long to short, very well. Also, it seems that he’s not picky when it comes to women’s features and has been known to say the C world from time to time like a good Australian should (I think its their god given right and I’m pretty sure it says that in the bible).

Soon we will find out if Harley is going to be the true world champion. But for now were going to find out his hopes for the longboard tour and some generalizations Australians make about Americans and what hell “get a root” means. So read on and familiarize yourself with the next (very possibly, really hopefully) world champion of longboarding.

ST: Where are you from?

HI: I’m born and bred on the north end of the Coffs Coast, NSW, OZ

ST: Are you the world longboard champ or what?

HI: I’ll let you know in 2 weeks, haha. No, it’s great Oxbow has stepped it up and given longboarding a multiple event world championship this year. I think it’s really great for the sport.

ST: What are your hopes for the Longboard tour in the future?

HI: I think in a perfect world for our sport we should have three events. One in a good big wave spot, one in a quality beach break like Lowers and maybe another at a great point. That way you would get a good, all around world champ. I think if there were many more events than that there might be a lot of longboarders that would struggle with the costs of a bigger tour.

ST: What have you been riding the most lately?

HI: I’d have to say my Robert August quad fish. Even when it’s been well over-head.

ST: Is it true that Vegemite was used by Hermes and Aphrodite as a lubricant when conceiving Atlantius? This Aussie told me that but I’m not sure if it’s true.

HI: Haha na mate, they are definitely pulling your leg there. They used Fosters.

ST: I knew that guy was lying, son of a…

ST: Hobbies?

HI: A bit of golf. That’s about it, really. Maybe the occasional skate.

ST: I like roller skating, too.

ST: What is your idea of good longboarding?

HI: Anyone that can make something hard look really easy, whether that’s big turns or nose rides.

ST: What are some generalizations that Americans make about Aussies?

HI: The most common that I hear on a daily basis here would have to be that we drink Fosters. I honestly can’t remember ever seeing that crap on tap at home - haha. Which I guess leads to the generalization that we are all a bunch of alco’s…

ST: Well thanks for clearing that up for me because I feel right at home with alco’s (as you say) and now I don’t know how welcome I’ll feel in OZ. Shit!

ST: What are some generalizations that Australians make about Americans?

HI: You are all loud and obnoxious, you’d use a shotgun to kill a mosquito, that you’re all soft (e.g. Your football players wear pads), what else?? Haha.
I think a lot of Aussies that haven’t been here look at Americans the same way you generalize Middle Americans: you’re all a bunch of rednecks.

ST: That’s actually 100% accurate. We love shooting stuff that’s small with oversized weaponry in helmets and pads while yelling,“WE’RE SO GREAT! LOOK AT HOW GREAT WE ARE! GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!” I think if the world would view us (Americans) as teens with a bad case of narcissism, followed by a heavy case of insecurity, with a dash of an inferiority complex, then maybe the world would understand a little better.

ST: Do you get shit for longboarding in your country by other surfers?

HI: Not really. Well not in an aggressive way anyway.

ST: That’s funny because I’ve been getting shit my whole life for longboarding. Maybe it’s just me.

ST: How many surfboards do you have?

HI: Well in my general quiver I have 7 shortboards, 10 longboards and my Alaia. But in my house there are well over 100 old boards in my dads collection which I drag out every now and then.

ST: What’s the size range in your quiver?

HI: 5’9 – 10’

ST: What are your favorites out of your quiver?

HI: Probably my two quads. Between my quad fish and quad shortly I can enjoy anything from 1ft mush to good 8ft waves, which we rarely get.

ST: Who is the hardest guy to beat on the LB tour?

HI: For me, I think Mouse (Mathew Moir). In the 4 or 5 times I’ve surfed against him I don’t think I’ve beaten him. He’s super fast and consistent.

ST: Just put a roofie in his cheese. That should do the trick.

ST: Do you say “cunt” all of the time? We don’t get to say “cunt” in America like you guys do.

HI: Why not who’s stopping you?? Haha - I’d be lying if I said I never ever say it but it’s definitely one for special occasions. It’s a pretty horrible word.

ST: It is a horrible word. I just thought that it was a great conversation starter in OZ. Thanks for clueing me in. However, do the women in Australia say “cunt” all of the time?

HI: Mate, if your girl is saying cunt all the time you know you’re on a winner.

ST: Thanks Harley, now I know what to look for in a woman. I’ll post that on match.com and see what comes up. Lets see, the ad would go something like this:

Man seeks woman who enjoys long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, romantic movies and, oh yeah I almost forgot to mention it, likes to say cunt!

I’ll let you know how that turns out.

ST: When women in Australia say, “Hey I need a good root” are they referring to a man’s lower abdominal member (or “dick” in laymen terms) as a part of some sort or tree or radish?

HI: I never really thought of where that term came from before but I recon that’s a pretty good guess. Only problem is I think guys use it more. “Ya get a root??” In which case, that wouldn’t really work. So, no.

ST: Maybe Australian guys should start saying, “Did ya plant your root?”

ST: Were you named after a motorcycle?

HI: I get this one a lot. Na, my olds aren’t closet Hells Angels or anything. I’m pretty sure they just liked the name.

ST: Shit, I thought that was an original question. There I go again thinking I’m so unique on my little unique island of questions. It is a pretty bad-ass name.

ST: Where is your favorite place to surf out of your country?

HI: Indonesia. It’s got a similar variety of waves to OZ and it’s cheap as chips.

ST: So what you’re saying is I can use a bag of Doritos or some French fries as currency to get to Indo?

ST: T or A? (Tits or Ass)

HI: I guess it just depends if the girl is walking towards or away from me. And after that comment they are probably mostly walking away.

ST: No, they’ll just walk sideways towards you.

ST: Sponsors?

HI: Golden Breed clothing, Robert August surfboards, FCS, Gorilla Grip.

ST: What kind of music do you listen to?

HI: Punk, rock, alternative - most stuff, I guess, that’s actually played by a band and not by a nerd on a computer. I’ve never been into rap, hip hop, techno or that sort of shit.

ST: I went thru this phase were I wore my rash-guards to clubs and listened to techno. I was doing a lot of drugs at the time but I’m past that now. Please don’t judge me. I’m a good guy. You’ll see.

ST: Who’s your favorite surfer?

HI: I have a few at the moment. Parko, Andy, Bonga, Dane Reynolds, Jordy Smith.

ST: Who’s your favorite longboarder?

HI: Bonga.

ST: Me too.

ST: I heard surfing is a big deal in Australia. For instance, if you’re Mick Fanning you’re a rock star in Australia. So my question is: you’re the world champ in longboarding, so do you get a ton of shiny hot ten ass for your statues or fat chicks with type two diabetes (sorry, I know type two diabetes is not really funny) like the longboarders in the states do? Be Honest!

HI: On the longboard groupy scale from playboy mates to big girls with type two, I’d have to say the later like here in the states. Actually I think you guys do a lot better than us on that one.

ST: What, like type three?

ST: Let’s do some quick Do’s and Don’ts for a surfer traveling in Australia:

ST: Don’t make eye contact with a kangaroo.

HI: I wouldn’t get in an up close staring match with a big male.

ST: Do you go to a random bar and invite an Australian to come stay over your house in the states as long as they want?

HI: A few friends I have here would now say don’t.

ST: Well, if you’re ever in my neck of the woods (by my neck of the woods I mean my neck of the woods) you have a place to stay.

ST: Anything you want to say to your fans?

HI: Hi, mum n dad

ST: If your mum n dad read this they probably won’t like you anymore.

ST: I just want to say I’m a big fan and I hope you keep it up. Thanks for your time.

HI: Thanks mate. I’ll be trying. Hopefully see ya in OZ sometime.

ST: Thank you. I hope you win the worlds. I’ll be rooting for you. Well, I’m sure you’re capable of rooting for yourself. Well, you know what I mean.

Driving backside.

That looks fun.

tube man or boob man?

Vegemite backhand long-dong snap.

1 comment:

Jonny Haywire said...

nice interview. i read the whole thing... and i'm not even a longboreder...

make me wanna eat some marmite and have a root.